Traitors Abound!

I'm home from work early as my gastro-intestinal system is revolting. In both senses of the word. It actually hasn't acted up in a quite a long while (to this extent, at any rate) so this is kind of a "Pearl Harbor" spasm. Looking back on it, eating sushi from a place called "Pearl Harbor" should have been a big hint.

Of course it may be divine (or abysmal) retribution for being a bad man this weekend. Previously I hinted I didn't want to jinx something. That something was a response from my almost-forgotten experiment on Craig's list. After about two weeks of communication, she indicated that she was in the process of getting a divorce which is a deal breaker for me. Is divorced is fine. In fact at this time-of-life it's almost become expected. But in the process of has two very definitive issues for me.

In the first place, I've seen what can happen when one of the parties decides to "get out there" in the middle of the process. What may have been an amicable split becomes a litigious frenzy of recrimination and emotional devastation. And honestly, who needs that kind of drama? Yes, I know, it's entirely possible that two people can go through a divorce as honest, mature adults. I have yet to see that happen, but I acknowledge the possibility.

In the second place (is that an actual phrase?) someone who has been in a relationship for a longer period of time needs to reset themselves to themselves as a single unit. A grieving period, discovering yourself, whatever you want to call it. Basically the opportunity to re-invent the person as "me without the other person". Otherwise there is a real danger that the person you are about to date is filling that hole, with all the expectations, frustrations etc that were focused on the recently-departed baggage focused on the new interest. Again, drama on an operatic scale which frankly I neither want nor need.

Her reaction when I explained that I'm not comfortable dating someone going through a divorce (having seen and experienced what that can do to the people and proceedings) was a) we were not communicating for the purposes of a relationship (which struck me as odd as the ad was placed under "men seeking women") b) You (Moby) are damaged goods for not wanting to see someone going through a divorce. And c) she mentioned her ex-to-be has already started dating which made me think "great, so you're looking for someone to show him you're out there, too?". Maybe a bit cynical, but hey, experience tells. And if I am damaged goods (a very distinct possibility) why put myself into a position where more damage can be done?

Of course, I feel like a heel for shutting down things so abruptly (she seems like a very nice woman with a lot to offer). I've learned the hard way that you need to go with your gut, even if it is unreliable in it's actual biological function. Now if you excuse me, I have to once again, er, you don't want to know.