Movies, Pirates and Pirate Movies

So let's see, the movie moguls and the **AA types are screaming that theatre revenue is down from 5% to 9% (depending who does the reporting) over last year. And they are, of course, blaming piracy.

Now I love going to the movie theatre to see a movie. A good movie. A few months ago, I managed to get 20 $5 movie theatre passes because I spent at least that much a year on the theatre.

Haven't used any of them yet. No reason to. No movies I would be willing to spend the cash (or coupons) on.

And why should I? Over the past few years, the movie mills have been slavering at the teat of new technologies: DVD, Pay-Per-View, Video on Demand. So instead of either a) seeing it in the theatre or b) hoping, after a year at least, that it will be released on VHS, I have a plethora of mediums to choose from. So going from most expensive to least expensive (but also from release date on) here are my options:

1) Full price, first run theatre
2) Second Run theatre
3) Purchase the DVD
4) Rental
5) Video on Demand
6) Pay per view
7) Premium Cable movie channel
8) And (maybe) on regular broadcast TV

So why, if I don't want to go to a specific theatre at a specific time and pay $13 plus snacks (making it $25 for one person) should I feel guilty for not going? I have plenty of options. And working in the business (okay the distribution end) I know for a fact that the movie companies get their cut for rentals, PPV, VOD etc. And they are very aggressive at getting the movies on your television.

But the most significant reason I simply don't go to the theatre is the audience. The morons who chat like they are in their living rooms. The cell phone talkers. The idiots who ask what's going on to all and sundry. Because they are easily confused by today's intricate plots, subtle characterization and unpredictible story lines.

So with the frustrations of the theatre, the easy and cheaper access to several media to see it after release, not to mention there just isn't anything worth seeing lately, why should I go to a theatre?

And I don't download movies. Not much point really. The risk is too high that there's something malicious hiddin in there somewhere. Or it's corrupt, or it's of very crappy quality. Or I may get sued.

Yes, that is a deterrent for me. I have really, really bad luck when it comes to stuff like this (remeber, two tickets in 2 hours?). Hell, I'd get sued for downloading an old episode of Gilligan's Island, forget about a full length feature film.

So here's my recommendations:

1) Chop theatre ticket prices by one third. And the snack bar prices by half. Then people may be willing to show up. And I could tolerate the twenty minutes of commercials.
2) Actually enforce some of things we took for granted in the theatre (being quiet, turn off your phones etc). I am more than willing to script and animate some very biting commercials for this. when was the last time you saw an usher in a theatre?
3) Stop making tired old crap. Indie films are getting more and more attention the past few years. Take a little risk and fund some of these folks.
4) There is nobody on the planet who is worth $10,000,000 for twelve week's work. You can reduce the cost of production by using cheaper actors, who will do just as well as the 'A-list' celebs.
5) Release movies over the course of the year. The summer blockbuster is dead. Why do studios insist on fighting for the consumer dollar twice a year when they can release something good in the spring? Moronic.
6) Reduce DVD prices by a couple of bucks. Really, it costs pennies to produce one. Get it into the price range of an impulse buy rather than a day's wages.
7) And for that matter, drop the price of those DVDs that are considered 'small yield'. $50 for 'The Seven Samurai' is insane. There are alot of films I would love to get on DVD but just can't justify spending the money (and I seriously consider downloading them).

Times are changing folks. Change or die. And if you think it's bad now, wait a couple of years. Imagine a market where the competition isn't the other big studios, but the small group of individuals who put together a full length feature film in their garages, basements and backyards and sell it for $2 a pop online. SFX? No problem, I could cook up some myself. Editing? Hey digital editing suites are coming included on most operating systems today. Actiing? Hells, I've seen better on stage at my local playhouse (and in the office for that matter). As for scripting, well, writers are a dime a dozen nowadays....