Popeye

So a week after the surgery, I have 20/20 vision in one eye and an inflammation in the other. So it was 50% successful. I know I shouldn't be worried but Murphy tends to make me his bitch. In the meantime I can't drive, which would suck if it wasn't -40 outside.

The surgery itself took only about twenty minutes here's what happened:

They sit you down in a dentist chair and make you look at this light on a machine above you. Then they dump about a gallon of anesthetic onto the eyeball which makes it both insensitive and unable to move (which is important).

Then they clamp your eyelid open, a la A Clockwork Orange. The patient then makes a joke about the movie and the medical staff groans and informs the patient that everyone says that.

This makes it very freaky when the doctor takes what is actually a very tiny spatula but looks friggin huge and you can see it scrape the layer of goo off your eyeball. You can also feel pressure on the eye which makes you little sick to your stomach.

After that they wash off the eyeball with water or something. Now it's time for zapping. And I do mean zapping. The laser makes a helluva noise: I actually jumped quite a bit when it first went off. It's not a constant laser, rather it pulses away a micro-millimeter of eyeball at a time.

Which brings us to the gross part. When the laser is zapping, you can smell roasted eyeball. What's worse is that you can feel sizzling little bits of eyeball landing on your forehead and cheeks.

I'll leave you with that image. Time for a fried egg sandwich.