Case of Acute Melodrama

Er, sorry about my over-acting yesterday. But to be fair being told that a ailment children commonly get without any reprecussions could do some serious damage to the ol' ticker is a tad disconcerting.

Besides, I think my doctor is a quack. I have Thrush, which is basically a reaction to penicillin. This was diagnosed by my Mom. The doc had me go for blood, urine and EKG tests.

I'm a staunch supporter of state-sponsored medical care, but jeez.

Holidays! Yay! Tanning! Food! And, well, it's rumoured that the nudie bars in Ontario allow for, well ..... lap dances. I've never had one so fully intend to try it out.

Strictly for research you understand.

In other news, I think when I get back I'll try out EVE Online. Like Planetside, I tried the free trial a while back and didn't like it. Looks like they've improved the UI (user interface not unemployment insurance) and I've been doing some research on new player guides etc.

I have an inherent, nay genetic need to fly in three dimensions and blow shit up. 2D just ain't cuttin' it, man!

So in the meantime, I'm just house cleaning, shopping for iPod accessories and getting my slack on. I may do some updates while away (I understand that there's these things called "Internet Cafes".) because frankly I just can't go cold turkey. I needs me my Internets tubes.

Vacation Plot Twists

A couple of twists as I start my two-week vacation.

First off I'm going to SPAMALOT! Yup, extreme geekiness ensues.

Secondly, I'm still not over the whole strep-throat thing. Went to the doctor yesterday and he wants me to go get some tests done as there is a risk of Rheumatic fever, which is basically damaged heart valves. I won't get the test results until I get back from vacation. So I won't be spending the entire time worrying about that. Right.

I always thought it was the smoking that was gonna do me in.

Clothes, Booze and my Family

First off, hats off to Capa for getting myself and other delinquent writer wanna-bees off of our collective butts and forcing (inflicting?) deadlines on us in the near future. More details later.

So I started the replacement of my stolen clothing today. Normally, I am not a "shopping" person. I employ the time honored technique of "get in, grab stuff, get out". On a side note this methodology does not work well in relationship to, well, relationships.

Of course the tough part is replacing shirts. Pants aren't a problem: black slacks, no pleats. But I've worked hard on building a collection of the nerdiest hipster-doofus bowling style shirts in town. Those are hard to come by. The ol' standby, Winners, just didn't have anything. So after hitting 5 shops I managed to get four shirts nobody else on the planet would be seen dead in. Eight more to go.

I still haven't cracked all that beer. Vodka and lime is just too damn refreshing plus an order of magnitude less gas than beer. So I'm giving it away as presents before it goes sour.

People don't take kindly to random strangers handing them a case of beer and running away. They tend to call the police. You would think that Stampede would be the perfect time to give away booze....

Because my family is essential insane, the past two days has been booking and rebooking hotel rooms, flights and figuring out what the hell is going on next week. My little brother intended to stay with my other little brother, but since it's 40+ degrees in T.O., he wanted to share my hotel room. Because of the late date, changing my room would have doubled the price for an extra bed, so I told him to get his own room. They guy makes more money than me, sheesh. Cheap bastard. Er, sorry Mom.

Next week is just two days of work, a couple of days of prep and house-cleaning (nothing worse than coming home to, well, what it normally looks like when I'm here). Needs me a new bathing suit (or two), as the Mediterranean salt apparently rots nylon. Despite the lunacy that is known as my family, I'm actually going to have a good time at this reunion. After all, this is the side of the family that has rum for breakfast.

Addendum

Sweet! LightWave 9 finally came out! I know what I'm spending an outrageous amount of money on when I get back!

I May Have Been Hasty

Ummm, so I sent an email to the girl I was seeing and had thought was giving me a brush off. I wished her the best of luck and all that.

Turns out that she wasn't doing the brush off thing. She's still interested in seeing me. So I left it open to make contact again.

Going back to the whole narrative imperative thing, the usual plot line is like I imagined: boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl likes boy at first then boy says/does something totally innocent and completely wrong. Girl makes boy nuts.

This on the other hand is a story I haven't been in yet.

We'll see.

Tell Me When It's Over

Truly Single again....

The past couple of weeks, the girl I was seeing kept breaking dates (with, at the time, seemed quite legitimate excuses). I attempted to make a date this Sunday, but she wanted to "play it by ear".

Apparently "play it by ear" produces a deafening silence.

Of course, it would be nice if she just told me she didn't want to continue. Not having the guts to tell me tells me either she's not quite ready to date again yet or she just doesn't have the guts to be honest.

Sure, feelings would be hurt, but I'm a grown up. Well, parts of me anyway. Dating is two people getting to know each other in order to determine if they want a future together. If one of them doesn't believe so, then it's over: wish each other well and part ways.

So I'm disappointed: not that she didn't want to see me anymore, but that she didn't respect myself or herself enough to just tell me. So no loss on my part.

In other news, the big family reunion is next week: should be fun (yet expensive) as I haven't seen many of the family out East more than once in 20 years. Plus, of course, it's 2 weeks off.

And apparently my cousins have single friends.....

Catch Your Bliss

A short report, but today I'm feeling quite blissful. All of my perceived troubles and woes just seem, well, inconsequential today. Maybe it's the nice day, the great workout I had, the drugs kicking in....

Anyways, just thought I'd record these thoughts as this is pretty much a "banner day" emotionally.

And also mark the point where it will inevitably just go straight down that creek...

Now, now, no need to be negative, Moby....

Today's Plot Twists

The Saga Continues!

The Clerks: Uncensored DVD is a bad print: keeps getting an "Unable to Read Disk" error. Mind you, I think my DVD player (aka Playstation 2) is dying a slow death, so I'll try it on my computer. So much for a bargain.

My date cancelled tonight. She has a sore throat so I can really empathise with that. Really hope it isn't strep. And no, we haven't done anything that would point to me as the carrier (darn it).

My current project may be cancelled or completely change again.

Maybe that's what I need to do with this blog: report my life as a series of convoluted plot twists and unlikely coincidences.

Narrative Imperative

There are some who think life has patterns. And everyday observations tend to substantiate this: things happen over and over again (almost) the same every time. There are many theories as to why this happens in life.

For example, there are those who firmly believe Murphy's Laws are an integral part of the universe: that when things can go wrong, they will. Spin me back to 1992, and I would whole-heartedly agree. Now, after observing a couple of things that have actually gone right, I don't believe that's how the universe works (most times anyways).

Then there are those who think - for whatever reason, from religion to physical causality - that everything that occurs is predestined. From the big-bang/six-day origin to the big-crunch/apocalypse, nothing is left to chance and that every occurrence can be predicted given enough divine/sub-atomic knowledge. I'm disinclined to believe this, but keep an open mind (from a science end, not a gospel end).

Still others believe in Karma: the idea that what good or evil you do in the universe, the universe delivers right back at ya. While this is a feel-good philosophy followed by some genuinely nice people, that theory does not, in the least, match my experiences.

For me, my causality viewpoint is Narrative Imperative. I actually couldn't find a link that describes it all that well, but basically it's like this: human behavior and experience follows common patterns (narrative) almost without fail (imperative). Ever hear someone say there are no new stories, that they all have been written and anything "new" is just rehashing old plots? That's the way the human mind works. Everyone knows that you don't go back into the house where the crazy, chainsaw wielding maniac is, but how many movies does this occur in? The human species seems programmed (genetically and by their society) to expect certain patterns of behavior.

So in my life, these patterns range from the mundane to the profound. For example, I know that when I park my car beside a truck with monster truck tires, I'm going to get a ding in my door. That's a pretty common one. A more obscure one is that when I start falling for a girl, there's a fifty-fifty chance that, over the course of a weekend, they'll meet someone, fall madly and passionately in love, and want to be with only with him. This is discovered when she tells me all about it. All about it. Every. Intimate. Detail. And then says it's great to have a friend she can tell this to.

No it hasn't happened lately, just saying.

So you get the idea.

The other part of the narrative imperative doesn't relate to patterns but rather is a way seeing how unexpected events occur. Human beings (well, some human beings) plan how things are supposed to go. Sometimes they go as planned, sometimes they... don't.

Which brings us back to me.

If you take a look at the "stories" in my life: my life from birth to today, my time with a person or at a job, or even the little events that make up the day, it seems like in many cases, there are "plot twists".

Some Examples:

I need to get alot of work done and I get strep throat. Once again, I must race against the clock to get things done, despite complications, to get to that happy ending.

I go to pick up my dry cleaning, which is basically all my work clothes, and the proprietor says they were stolen. He'll refund the money if I replace them (12 shirts, 3 pants) but in the meantime I'm down to tier 3 clothes.

I'm dressed in a ridiculous outfit to go to a party and get pulled over by the police not once, but twice.

When I applied to architecture school, I was first on the waiting list. While getting some courses to cover some bases, I got drunk for year and flunked out. While trying to get into Journalism school, I got my English degree. When I got a decent job out of school, I got laid off 3 months later. When my two businesses started to pick up, the cultural and political climates changed 180 degrees, leaving me homeless.

This kind of stuff happens to everyone (almost everyone). But to me, sometimes it seems I'm character in a story, and these things just come out of some cosmic author's word processor. Plot twists, then, in a what is normally a pretty straight life.

Not sure if it's good or bad (sometimes it's both). All I know is that when the last chapter ends, my name is in the Author's acknowledgements.

Some royalties would be nice too.

That Wacky Horseman!

So I've had a sore throat for a week. So I had problems swallowing carrots today at lunch.

So it turns out I have strep throat. Which means I'm quarantined for 24 hours. That's a pain in the ass, as last week's training means I have two weeks' worth of work to do in four days. Three now. And I can't go to the gym. I haven't been since Friday and my butt is widening to fit the chair as we speak.

Not sure where I got it though. My best guess was actually at training last week. The place where we were edjumacated was one of those offices in a mall. A mall that is petty much an informal homeless shelter. And handles on the doors to get in the mall gave me the heebie-jeebies. Yuck.

So it means I will be stuck at home tomorrow. And taking penicillin. Woo.

Yuck.

Long Weekend Rundown

Howdy y'all.

Oh dear gods it must be nearing Stampede...

Anyways Mom's B-day was good. Despite the fact that my little bro and I dragged our dear Mother to the pro shop to get her some new golf clubs, she insisted we don't (insisted meaning she said something along the lines of "Oh, don't waste your money on me!". And we learned long ago to just surrender) and get her a bike helmet instead. We tricked her into getting it at Costco, and paid for the major impulse buys she had.

The clubs would have been cheaper. But it's my Mom (awwwww). Capa, the obligatory "mama's boy" comment if you please....

Other than that, rummaged through the various discount bins and picked up this, one of these (Ach! Zombies!) and found this for $7. I've always tried to pick that last one up but it's always $60+.

Oh yeah and new rice cooker. Mmmm... ricey goodness.

So I have a slightly deeper farmer tan, a sore throat (hope it's a cold and not strep, which apparently is going around) and deep desire to win the lottery and live a life of debauchery. Okay, maybe one debauch then just be lazy. I can do that.

Alright a couch-potato/gaming slug. I know my limits.

Weekend Update!

Ummm, not alot actually.

A lot of plans fell through, I did manage to get some decent bike rides in. Other than the weekly chores, that's about it.

I did get some of my free beer. I haven't had any yet. Not sure why not.

Really, all I'm posting for is to just get something done this weekend.

The next week will be a tad more exciting. I'm off-site getting Java training all next week. Then after 8 hours of training I have to go back to the office (oi) each day.

Company BBQ on Wednesday, which should prove interesting. Hope the weather is nice.

Then on the long weekend (longer in that I am taking Friday off) I'm going to visit my Mom for her 60th B-day. As I want to give her new golf clubs, and know abslutly zilch about golf, I'm just going to take her shopping.

And sometime in there, I'm hoping another date.

News Update!

So yeah I was sick for the interview. But it was moved again so now it's not an interview as such, just checking out a new prospect. Which is okay. I can raise my 'Networking' skill a point at least. 299 more of those and I get my "Schmooze: Level 2".

Next week: actual training!!! Java, thank goodness. I was tad worried we would be spending two days on variables and control structures, but rumour has it that stuff will be covered in the first morning. The instructors have been told that people will have to keep up or be left behind. So it'll be like Survivor: Java.

And as previously stated, I would probably get voted off the island before the boat hit the dock. Which is good 'cuz then they ship you to a resort for the remainder of the show.

And for those of you asking for details on the woman I'm seeing....

Too bad.

I don't wanna jinx it.

Continueinueum

I finally got in contact with my beer guy.

And I need to get all 15 cases at once. Who wants a beer?

And my date went well, with only one screw up. I'm really hoping it's perceived as shy and sweet instead of clumsy and stupid. Which it was. Nothing that bad, just an attempt at a peck on a cheek.

I really need therapy. Or lessons. Or Prozac.

So, job interview tomorrow. It's always awkward going into work in a suit for an afternoon interview. I may have to feign sick. Although I was sick last night and not feeling so hot right now (which was a wonderful way to feel for a second date) so it may not be a lie.

Which means I'll be sick for a job interview. Go me.

Blonde Day

Oi.

Okay so I do have a follow up date! Yay me! And while arranging it, I realized later that I may have said some things that were either a) stupid or b) open to some very negative interpretation when I actually meant to give a compliment. I won't go into detail here.

Sometimes I think the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz and I should start our own bowling team....

On top of that: I got to the gym tonight, opened up my gym bag and realized that after doing laundry on Sunday I neglected to put any clean clothes back in the bag. So I rushed out into the mall, got the cheapest shorts (red) and t-shirt (blue) that I could find in the clearance rack and went back to the gym.

Now the shorts said "Medium" but I think that may have been a slight exaggeration. The t-shirt was the right size but was, in point of fact, a tank top.

All that was missing was the terry-cloth head and wrist bands. I could have passed for a taller, balder version of Richard Simmons.

Guess Who had a Date?

Yup. Me.

A coffee date with someone I met on the internet. Now, the reason I didn't tell anyone (here or in real life) as I tend to think it jinxes it. That, and I get over-excited, nervous and clumsy. Clumsier. I'm not known for sweeping women off of my feet, more like tripping them. But coffee was good, and we had a nice walk around the neighborhood: the weather finally cleared up.

She's a pretty cool girl: she's traveled, smart, has an English degree and is a total geek. I won't go into detail here, but lets just say there are a remarkable amount of similar interests.

I know, scary similarity there.

So I think it went well, no walk of shame. An exchange of phone numbers is happening (via email) and we're supposed to make arrangnments for drinks later on.

Just hope my shyness factor reduces itself a bit. She seemed to be pretty business-like (not uncommon though and to be expected) and there wasn't alot of tension. And I wasn't my usual goofy self. That's normal right?

Anyway, a good first date with no out-of-left-field surprises like unrevealed children, an Amway pitch or obvious psychosis. In her. Me, I'm never sure about.

And she's cute, never discount that. Of course, it takes a couple dates to determine a rapport (as opposed to the instant, not-a-chance date). Good feeling so far as we seem intellectually compatible.

We'll see. Here's hoping.

Up the Ziggurat

Congrats and kudos to the Lemming for getting a push up to management at the ol' evil empire.

Seems a lot of my mates are getting promoted there while I am firmly attached to the bottom rung. I am the master of the career limiting move!

Thank the gods.

And for linkage, the makers of Ask a Ninja now have a spin-off: Hope Is Emo.

No wonder I don't watch television anymore.

Rant, Manifesto or Position Paper

Alright, before I get to the meat of the matter of today, a couple of housekeeping things:

I shaved off the soul patch. As an experiment, it was a success. However one of the variables I didn't consider was the fact while many men have their hair grow at an angle close to the curve of the jaw, my facial hair has the organization of a gorse bush. Grooming is all well and good but the 'product' I was using (and didn't work that well) was giving me zits.

So while giving myself the month buzz (hair cut, not inebriation), I chopped the chin-hedge off.

My chin is cold.

The weather (rain, more rain, humidity) is getting me down. I haven't taken a good bike ride in a week and it's driving me buggy. On teh other hand, I've gone from a two-on, one-off work out schedule to a three-on, one-off rate. I'm sore. And suddenly I'm pressed for time! Not sure I can keep this up. Maybe 3-on, 1-off, 2-on, 1-off? Nah, too complicated.

I now have one foot back on the no-smoking wagon, although I keep sneakin' 'em. As stated previously on many occassions, this is hard. I need a new job.

And I still can't get a hold of the guy to arrange my free beer!

Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!!

Ahem.

So on to the main topic. Which I have entitled:

Ivory in Shadow: How IT has Failed Business, Business has Failed IT and the How the IT Business has Failed Everyone

Yeah it's a mouthful.

It's basically a commentary on how IT is still failing to deliver on promises to business, how business forces these failures in many cases, and how technology companies exacerbate the problem by offering more technology to solve what ails technology.

This came about from yet another marketecture presentation today. In essence, it was to add more software layers (and therefore more hardware, more network and more complexity) to make things all work together.

I'm going to have to research this a bit, but I'm thinking that the roots of the problem are a fundamental misunderstanding of what technology can and cannot do (and surprisingly, its the techs who don't seem to understand the most), business practices that are directly opposed to how software is developed (and vice versa) and a lack of will to address the fundamental issue of change.

So instead of a blog rant, it probably will be a paper. And surprisingly, I have a kernel of an idea on how to possibly fix some of the problems.

So I'm going to read a few things, talk to some people and who knows, look at maybe getting it published as an article. May take a while.

Oh yeah, the title refers to the "Ivory Tower" being overshadowed and threatened by an office building. Yep, English degree. I can see the cover of my ground-breaking, paradigm shifting (sorry) study on real software in real business now. Amazon, here I come!

Or Slashdot. Either is good.

Weak Week

Eesh. Work just keeps getting better and better. I had one application back in a normal state (ie broken but those responsible for fixing it can actually fix it) and another one, which has much more impact, is busted.

Not busts, was busted. Since February. And for the same reasons as the first app. The guys who were supposed to notice, didn't. And they were the guys that busted it.

On top of that one of my (let's see, 1, 2, 3, 4, .... 7) managers tries to get me pulled off of a comittee that I refuse to leave because he thinks it's impacting my time. I don't see how 4 hours a week does that. It's the one thing I think I actually get progress on (albeit slowly). On top of that I get yet another project from a manager who thinks I can build a data warehouse in one day.

So I asploded.

Needless to say, whenever I asplode, I risk my job. And I know that. The consideration is that I either quit (which leaves people I actually like in a heap of trouble) or I risk getting punted.

And once again, I actually get the resources I need to get the job done. Playing nice just don't work at times.

So with all that, I fell of the wagon. Hard. Then got run over. Then while I had a cigarette to recover, the wagon-driver got out and kicked me inna nads.

I did have a job interview. Or rather, I talked to the guy who was going to give me the job interview. He wanted to reschedule because he was trying to leave early on his vacation. Not the best first impression. Not as bad as the time as the guy giving me an interview was drunk though. At 11 AM.

Let's see, women. They still exist, right? Actually that's not correct. I didn't get some sort of superpower making me invisible to the fairer sex, did I.

Hmmm, maybe that's what I need. A female boss. No, no, no. Not for that....

Well, maybe. I could use a sugar momma.

Game wise, Planetside has lost it's luster. just too frustrating. And I found out there's a ton of cheats. And no, I don't cheat, I just stop paying. I picked up Dawn of War and Winter Assault (Warhammer 40K RTS). Not bad, but I've never been an RTS fan, it's just there's nothing else to play. At least new to play. And I have a short attention span.

When is Spore coming out?

'Nuff Said. Beer time. No not free yet, the guy I need to make the arrangements isn't picking up his phone.

Looks like my usual luck/Karma is back.

Hung. Over.

Oh dear gods....

No I didn't get my free beer yet. But I did consume quite a bit of vodka with my little brother last night. We went to the peelers and the little schmuck ended up with 2 phone numbers from the wait staff.

Then he tried to give me lessons on how to pick up women.

Suicide is still a mortal sin right? Not that it matters, as I'm in enough pain as it is....

Gah.

Free Beer

Finally, some return on my Karmic investment!

Some friends and myself buy season tickets to Alberta Theatre Projects every year. I like to make a donation as well.

Turns out this year they had a draw. I got a phone call from them this morning saying I had a choice between appearing on-stage as an extra for their Christmas performances of Peter Pan, or beer for the summer.

What do you think I picked?

So I get, home-delivered, a 12 pack of my choice of Big Rock Brewery's finest. For fifteen weeks.

Now I'm a cheap date, but that's not an issue. I've had three invites to weekend barbeques since I won...

Looks like I have friends after all!